Peer review Read two essays

you will write your comments about the essays you have read and regive feedback Please give as much clear help as you can to guide them in revising their essays.————————————————————————————————————–this is the second essay one is below this one is not nearly as complete but this is what you will review notice he didnt use format or anything need sorces a title and all the mla stuff so say that in the peer review and just give feedback for both—————————————————————————————————
While writing my family Archetype Essay, I found out how important it is to keep the memories we have with our family close. I decided to focus this essay around parks, Fremont Park in Glendale in particular. Even though my family and I dont go there anymore, I think its important to know how we were able to have it be a place for us to do so much, while being together and having a good time. Considering we held a lot of partys there and would go for Easter to do the egg hunts, Id say this place is important to us. Im using Fremont Park, to go with my three themes of parks, family bonding, and the importance of parks. This is why I wanted to use Fremont park because of its importance to my family and me. 
    Fremont Park is a big park, and it was within walking distance from my grandma’s house. There were a variety of things we were able to do there to stay active. The entrance of Fremont had a volleyball pit that was covered with sand, so it looked professional to someone who might not know a lot about the sport. I do remember it always being empty and mightve only seen people use it a few times, this is probably because there were bees a lot of times surrounding it. Right next to the volleyball pit was the basketball court, which was sadly only half court. Fremont park had three relatively big spaces with grass that we used to play football or soccer. It is mentioned in the article Glendale park, nearing 100, to get makeover by Lila Seidman that, The nearly eight-acre park is slated for an overhaul that will include a new artificial-turf soccer field, interactive water feature, community building and pickleball courts, as well as upgrades to many existing features, according to the citys renovation plan. Hearing this now I can just imagine how that wouldve been before for us. Tennis courts were located in two sections, at the front of the park and in the middle. Looking back at it now it was a very big tennis area but was never really in use. Lastly the park had a decent size play area that we got to see re-built, which changed everything. Mainly the huge tower that was installed, it had slides three that were of different heights and we would see which one was the fastest, to be sure to go on that slide.
It was nice going there and being able to do different things and just be care free. Then we were much more active and not as into our phones as before. During my interview one of my cousins had mentioned that, When we were younger we were way more active, and not on our phone as often. I never really thought of this before, but it was true. As kids we would be so active and ready to play, thats what the park brought out in us. We were not isolated from each other, it was all of us together interacting, and I feel as if thats a huge tribute to the park. For me its important to be able to get that exercise and a place for you and others to interact, with things you have in common, and for us as kids to have fun.
A lot of people struggle with finding a place to exercise, and I think  that having a park near you can be beneficial for those who want the exercise, but are trying to save money. In the article Contribution of Public Parks to Physical activity it is mentioned by Deborah A. Cohen and others that. Parks play a critical role in facilitating physical activity in minority communities, not only by providing facilities and scheduled, supervised activities, but also by providing destinations to which people can walk even though they may be sedentary after arriving there. Being able to exercise is beneficial to everyone’s life. I’ve noticed for a while now that a lot of parks now have been using sum gym equipment thats accessible to all. Getting to use the equipment thats allowed to everyone, or even walking around the park can go a long way towards improving someone’s health. Im sure that being able to have some sort of equipment thats gym-like can encourage people to try it out.
Getting to be around others and being able to interact can be good for people’s health. It is said in the article Public Parks and Wellbeing in Urban Areas of The United States by Lincoln Larson and others that, A substantial body of research articulates the multiple contributions of urban green space, a category of land cover that includes public parks and other vegetated areas, to human health, and wellbeing. Seeing that we are able to better our health and wellbeing is good to hear. Parks can be used to benefit us, whether it be for a walk or to go for a pick up game of basketball, even taking your kid for parents. I remember as a kid my aunt or uncle would take us sometime, not for a get together, but just for fun. My Cousin Edgar mentioned in the Interview that, Our parents used to get in our games and play. I remember that happening and the good times we got out of going there, which can be something that could contribute to our wellbeing.
We should always be looking for ways to maintain our health to ensure a long life.  We shouldnt force ourselves to sit around all day and do nothing. We all might like to sit around and do nothing. In the article Contribution of Public Parks to Physical Activity Deborah Cohen states Given the growing consensus that the environment plays a key role in promoting energy expenditure, expanding opportunities to increase physical activity is a promising means of addressing sedentary behaviors associated with a variety of chronic illness. We might not be addressing every medical illness by exercising, but it is good to do something that benefits the body.
Keeping our loved ones close to us is important. We shouldnt be distant from each other, because it doesnt allow us to connect with one another. It helps to find things that we are able to enjoy together. In the article Why Parks and Trails Are Important by Ron Nickerson and Jonathan Vlaming which states that, Minnesotans, like the rest of the nation, enjoy the opportunities parks and trails provide for bonding with family and friends, being physically active, enjoying nature, and nourishing mental health and spiritual well-being. Getting to find what you and your family have in common can help with finding something to bond over. In my case we used Fremont Park and played soccer or other things to connect together.